Listening to the Wherewho: A Lived Experience of Schizophrenia
2013; Oxford University Press; Volume: 41; Issue: 1 Linguagem: Inglês
10.1093/schbul/sbt097
ISSN1745-1701
Autores Tópico(s)Mental Health and Psychiatry
ResumoAt the age of 37, I had a psychotic break, just 3 years short of a diagnosis of late-onset schizophrenia. Aside from situational depression a decade prior, this was my introduction to mental illness. I spent a year sleeping on my mother's sofa, fearfully locked in her apartment and wondering what became of me before diagnosis and treatment began. My doctor told me that my prognosis was good because of my age, even with the severity and speed of onset. I now live with auditory hallucinations, formally clas- sified as outer space hallucinations that I hear outside of myself and, for me, stem mostly from sounds in the environment. This is in contrast to inner space hallu- cinations that are perceived to be within the head itself. I am disturbed by sounds, especially by the hypnotic reso- nance of motors and fans, for they carry with them the most persistent voices. These voices refer to themselves as the Wherewho. There's a droning noise in the background at work and I can't discern its source. Is it a fan or a motor above the ceiling tiles? Is it a server or other hardware in the cubicle next to mine? Am I hallucinating? I tense up over the low, continued hum. It remains in the back- ground, yet at the forefront of my attention, even as I turn on my MP3 player in the hope that music will drown it out. Instead, focusing on the static from my headphones only seems to increase the dull, monoto- nous sound. My head starts to throb as my anxiety increases. I've had enough for now, so I decide to step
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