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Riding the Work–Life Teeter‐Totter

2019; Wiley; Volume: 28; Issue: 1 Linguagem: Inglês

10.1002/lob.10292

1539-6088

Adrienne Sponberg,

Research in Social Sciences

It is the first snowfall of the winter. My kids are jubilant this morning but all I can think is, “And so it begins.” Yes, it is that most wonderful time of the year: the season of snow delays and closures. Thankfully, today's white fluffy stuff is more of an annoyance (kids fighting in the background as I try to telework) than catastrophe (not being able to work and therefore not getting paid). I fully acknowledge that I write this Viewpoint from a place of privilege. When I became a mother, ASLO was flexible, understanding, and supportive. When I became a single mother of two after my husband's death, ASLO was even more flexible, understanding, and supportive. Having a supportive and flexible employer makes writing this column easier, actually, because conversations about work–life balance often focus on what employers can do. My comments focus more on what we can do ourselves. And while I use examples specific to parenting, I believe this advice applies to anyone trying to achieve that elusive balance between their professional and personal lives. I will start by saying I am not a fan of the phrase “work–life balance.” It is not a balance—at no point in this game of “having it all” do you ever feel balanced. One side is almost always getting more attention than the other. If you push too hard on one side, the other side gets slammed to the ground. Which side is “up” changes on a constant basis. It is enough to leave anyone with a headache and feeling frazzled. It also makes it much harder to see beyond the moment-to-moment, but I believe that is the first, and biggest, way to “balance” parenthood and having a career (Fig. 1). In my many conversations with young scientists on this topic, I am struck at the urgency and panic they project as they contemplate whether to have children and wonder how they will be able to have a career if they do. I remember feeling the exact same way. When I first became a mom, I dropped back to half-time work (again, ASLO is an amazing and supportive group). I joked that I had put my career on life support: “Here's hoping it survives!” But inside, I was not laughing. I had worked hard to earn my Ph.D. and then establish myself in the D.C. science policy community. Would my absence from the Hill briefings and evening receptions spell doom for my career? Within a few years, I watched colleagues continue to climb the ladder (so to speak) professionally, give invited presentations around D.C. and beyond, and chair all the meetings I once chaired. A dozen years later, I can look back and see that it did, after all, “all work out.” That is due to a combination of a very supportive employer and having a strategic mindset about my own professional development. Discussing these things with the ASLO Science Communication interns over the years helped me pull together some key strategies and inspired me to write this column. The first and most important of these is to take the long view. What do you want your resume to look like 5, 10 years from now? And if you miss a day today because your child/mother/dog needs to go to the doctor, will that even register in a few years? Taking the long view helps you think strategically, while also preventing unnecessary production of cortisol in your system! Related to taking the long view, the next piece of advice I'd give is to not let FOMO make you crazy. Occasionally, you will miss a conference that would have been really good to attend. People will be tweeting about talks you would have loved to attend while you're changing the 220th diaper of the day. Guess what? You will also miss a “Muffins with Moms” event because you have an important meeting at that time (ask me about the fallout from the time I missed the school Valentine's Day parties because I was at an ASLO conference). You cannot be everywhere at once. And guess what? You could not before kids either! Accepting that you will miss important events is a key step to keeping your sanity. The biggest adjustment for me when I became a parent was that my time was no longer my own. You have to be very good—no, excellent—at time management. That means being selective, which includes saying no to things you would really love to do. You will have to turn down opportunities (both professional and personal) because you cannot be in two places at once. In today's digital world where we have the tools to multitask to the nth degree, it is more tempting than ever to overcommit ourselves. As scientists, we have excellent critical evaluation and analysis skills. Apply those to your professional life and critically evaluate each opportunity: What do you gain? What gap in your resume or professional development does it fill? Is it an opportunity that will come again or is it truly a don't-miss opportunity? Do not just go for the low-hanging fruit though! Some of the best resume-builders do require some sacrifice. Think strategically and do not automatically turn down the really rare and rewarding opportunities. While we are talking about multitasking and its persistent temptation, another stress-saver is to just plan for things to go wrong or take twice as long. I have always been excellent at time management, but I never needed to build in quite so much buffer into my schedule before family demands became so intense. Things WILL come up: snowflakes will fall, arms will get broken at recess, and computers will mysteriously decide to install a 2-hour update 10 minutes before you host a web conference! Parent or not, we all need to plan for contingencies. When I was part of the consortium developing the National Ecological Observatory Network, we were constantly reminding ourselves that “the perfect is the enemy of the good.” Dozens of scientists and administrators across the continent were involved in the effort and we all struggled with the desire to create a*perfect* plan, which was impossible given the number of unknowns at the time. When time is not on your side, you have to let go of perfection. I have discovered a key part of this is not comparing yourself to others. There are going to be people in your field who give a better-prepared talk, have a bigger social media following, or travel to more conferences. Likewise, there will be parents who always have the perfect gluten- and plastic-free goody bags at birthday parties, who stage the best “first day of school” photos, and whose elementary school kids actually DO brush their teeth before school. Not every task that you undertake can be accomplished to perfection (nor is theirs). Learning to accept less than total perfection will help you get more done (and you will likely find your “good enough” is actually pretty darn good). This is a hornet's nest, I know! ASLO has spent countless hours considering how to offer childcare at conferences without breaking the bank (it is really, really expensive to get licensed childcare providers on-site). There is no magic bullet solution to the challenge presented by travel—be it for conferences, field work, or other professional opportunity. Work travel is a critical part of my job (as with most in our field). I have missed two ASLO conferences—one for each kid!—and another one when I had the flu. Beyond that, I have been to every ASLO conference since 2002. I have also given guest lectures at universities, presentations at non-ASLO meetings, and participated in site reviews. Trust me, I feel the pain on this one - especially now that any overnight trip for me means finding round-the-clock childcare!! But speaking on the other side of a dozen years of parenting, I hope those questioning how to make travel work with kids in the picture will see that it is possible. That said, I do have to severely restrict my travel compared to life before kids. I have had to be extremely creative in finding other ways to be present professionally. Social media offers a great way to do that. Choosing to stay a little longer at a single conference each year, as opposed to attending two or more, and really focusing on your professional life while there and networking as much as you can is another strategy. Serving on an ASLO committee is also a great way to connect professionally with others and boost your resume that does not involve a whole lot of work. These are just a few suggestions…I am sure there are more ways to do this. The idea is to try to not focus so much on the things you can't do (at this time in your life) and look at where you still can network and have an impact. And going back to the long view, there will be other conferences at a time that will work better for your life situation. This leads me to my final and not-at-all-original bit of advice, which is to cultivate your village. In a world of selfies, it can be hard to remember that we are all in this together. When people ask me how I manage as a single mother, the faces of my neighbors, friends, colleagues, and family flash through my mind. The same is true in a work environment—almost all work is collaborative these days. Being compassionate to others in their own work–life challenges–be it aging parents, a sick or dying pet, a significant injury or illness, or all of the above—is the first step in creating a culture where having a life outside of work is not taboo. We all have caregiving responsibilities outside of work, yet we tend to hide them or not discuss them lest we look less committed to our jobs. A supportive, compassionate work environment lowers everyone's stress, which surely leads to a more productive lab or office. This topic of work–life balance comes up with increasing frequency, but never in formal venues at ASLO. It is a topic that is still relegated to coffee breaks or side conversations. I think it is time to break the silence. I cannot change every university, lab or government policy, but I can raise awareness by starting the conversation at ASLO. My hope too is that sharing some of my own coping skills will help others find ways to make their ride on the teeter-totter a little less stressful.