The impostor
2022; Wiley; Volume: 58; Issue: 4 Linguagem: Inglês
10.1111/jpc.15916
ISSN1440-1754
Autores Tópico(s)Primary Care and Health Outcomes
Resumo‘Welcome Dr X. Your very first day as a consultant isn't it? Well, who better to take charge of the ward round? Dive right in and all that. Over to you’. ‘Well…aahh…thanks. It's been a while since my last ward job, so I might be a bit rusty…’. I take a step towards the first patient. My breathing shallows. Visual fields constrict. My surroundings are now indistinct, the voices of my colleagues distant. I feel the urge to run. That's when the alarms go off. Raucous, piercing. It's Defcon One in here. I am suddenly surrounded by menacing types in combat fatigues, their eyes invisible behind dark visors. ‘Dr X, I am Agent Brown from the Impostor Detection Squad. These are agents Blue, Pink and Orange. Please step this way’. I am ushered into an unoccupied room. ‘Why are you people here?’ I stammer. ‘We are investigating a complaint about your competence’. ‘Complaint from whom?’ ‘Your Psyche’. Wow. I didn't see this coming. Nobody warned me. ‘What are the issues?’ I manage. ‘Well…here's the charge sheet’. Agent Brown reads from his notebook. ‘Somehow faked your way through training. Yawning gaps in knowledge. Not on the same page as the rest of the group. Everyone else is better at this’. Heavy allegations. But deep down, surely we are good judges of ourselves? Must be true then… A knock on the door. ‘Agent Blue has entered the room. Interview paused at O815’. ‘Can I have a word with you, Chief?’ said the agent. ‘Got some further intel on this one. Doesn't always get it right, but mostly. Safe practitioner. Good track record of clinical care. Lots of strengths. Good potential’. ‘We have had word from the Voice of Reason. No need to keep hold of him’ she added. ‘Roger that. Happy to hear it’ replied Agent Brown. “Doc, you are free to go. Keep an eye out though. Next time you are facing something new or difficult, we may be back.” As the agent turned to leave, I found my voice. ‘Hold on a minute. I don't fancy another grilling. I don't like this feeling. What can I do?’ ‘Well OK…a word to the wise’. Agent Brown lifted his visor and met my gaze. ‘Reflect. Connect with your peers. Check in with a mentor. Ask them if they have ever felt like this. Realise what a common experience this is. Notice when you do good things. Clever things. Do not let these drift away. Capture them, store them, refer back to them. Learn from your mistakes, but don't dwell on them. Get some help to reframe your thoughts or manage your feelings if you need to. Most of all – be kind to yourself’. He smiled. ‘Now off you go Doc. You have a ward round to lead’.
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