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The self-fulfilling nature of positive illusions in romantic relationships: Love is not blind, but prescient.

1996; American Psychological Association; Volume: 71; Issue: 6 Linguagem: Inglês

10.1037/0022-3514.71.6.1155

1939-1315

Sandra L. Murray, John G. Holmes, Dale W. Griffin,

Attachment and Relationship Dynamics

i n University of SussexIt is proposed that satisfying, stable relationships reflect intimates' ability to see imperfect partners in idealized ways.In this study of the long-term benefits (or possible costs) of positive illusions, both members of dating couples completed measures of idealization and well-being 3 times in a year.Path analyses revealed that idealization had a variety of self-fulfilling effects.Relationships were most likely to persist--even in the face of conflicts and doubts--when intimates idealized one another the most.Intimates who idealized one another more initially also reported relatively greater increases in satisfaction and decreases in conflicts and doubts over the year.Finally, individuals even came to share their partners' idealized images of them.In summary, intimates who idealized one another appeared more prescient than blind, actually creating the relationships they wished for as romances progressed.Love to faults is always blind, Always is to joy inclin'd, Lawless, wing'd, and unconfin'd, And breaks all chains from every mind.--William Blake, Poems (1791-1792)from Blake's Notebook Reality or parody?In many ways, Blake's musings depict the romantic ideal.Swept up in the experience of love, trusting, satisfied individuals embellish their partners' virtues, while charitably, perhaps sensibly, turning a blind eye to their faults (e.g., Murray & Holmes, 1993, 1994).Setting Blake's ideal aside, most psychologists believe that lasting satisfaction depends on individuals understanding their partners' real strengths and frailties (e.g., Brickman, 1987;Swarm, De La Ronde, & Hixon, 1994;Swarm, Hixon, & De La Ronde, 1992).After all, because few individuals really are perfect, time should inevitably reveal just how romantic partners fall short of each others' hopes.Upon such realizations, lovers should then end up disappointed and disillusioned.Do positive illusions inevitably breed discontent?Or might idealization actually promote later happiness?For instance, seeing a partner's faults through the rosy filters provided by one's ideals might minimize the potential for conflict.Intimates might even create the interpersonal realities they desire by idealizing their partners (e.g., Snyder, Tanke, & Berscheid, 1977).In such ways, idealization might actually insulate intimates against the vicissitudes of time rather than set them up for disappointment.In this article we examine these issues, focusing on the long-term benefits (and possible costs) of positive illusions in dating relationships.