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Kaleidoscope: Broken pieces make a beautiful picture

2023; Medknow; Volume: 6; Issue: 2 Linguagem: Inglês

10.4103/crst.crst_109_23

2590-3233

Arnav Tongaonkar,

Empathy and Medical Education

After working in the medical field for more than 5 years now, and particularly the past few years in oncology, I have gained an insight into how fragile our lives really are. We live in a bubble secure in our illusions. A feeling that things will always be the same. It is not always so. We are all just a word, a sentence, or a phone call away from the bubble bursting. The picture frame can shatter into a thousand shards; jumbled pieces that may never be the same again. This is true for all of us, whether we realize it or not. And getting diagnosed with a medical problem, particularly something that sounds as scary as "cancer" can shake the very foundations of a person's life. I have seen that happening, I see it every day. But I do not write this to spread despair or sorrow. No, I write this, because even when I saw darkness and suffering in patients' lives, they showed me so many ways in which they find joy and light for themselves. They picked up the broken pieces of their lives, accepted them, and rearranged them till the picture was bright again. Till the cracks arranged themselves into the intricate patterns of snowflakes, and light could shine through. A thousand different colors, a changing picture with just a small shift of perspective. Like a kaleidoscope. And those that try to find the light for themselves, add a bit of light and color wherever they go [Figure 1].Figure 1: "Let the light shine through": A family walking together through the rocky road of cancer treatment, towards the lightIt's not that I feel that optimism is enough to cure or heal cancer – not at all. However, I believe a touch of positivity makes everything easier. That applies to all our lives, not just to those who are ill. I would like to quote a patient here. She was under treatment for a stage of her disease that would essentially require her to be on some form of chemotherapy life-long. She was already a few years along in her treatment when I met her. By this time, many people are (understandably) tired of visiting the hospital two to three times a month, weary because of the constraints put on their lives. However, that was not the case with this woman, not at all. Her energy and enthusiasm exceeded that of even the doctors. She appeared healthier than us! I asked her the secret to her spark. She told me her very simple philosophy, "The hospital is my temple. I visit it once a month, to get my life extended by another month. That is God's blessing." I was stunned. She had turned her chemotherapy into a pilgrimage, something she actually looked forward to. She had looked past all calculations of life expectancy and was just living her life for all it was worth. She opened my eyes to a new perspective on my work too. I was a priest now. A priest in the Temple of Life. I counted my blessings a little more that day. Often, we allow our work and life stressors to get us down. I know it happens to all of us. And I have always found that when my flame is burning a little low, God sends me an Angel. By this, I mean that He sends someone into my life that is so full of warmth and light, that I remember to try to be that way too. I have met a lot of patients and even their relatives who have changed my way of thinking. I recently met a young lady who is pursuing her own medical residency after completing her cancer therapy. She had enough light and energy in her to power the electrical fittings in the room. We could have probably asked her to step in as a backup generator in the event of a power outage. She was admitted to our ward for fever. And each time her fever dropped a little below 100°F and she felt just a bit better, she would walk around and talk to the other patients, tell them of her struggles, the things she has overcome, reassuring them that they would make it too. In the short time that she was in the ward, the other patients, and even I, felt just a little bit brighter. Just a little bit happier. "Just a little bit" is a lot. Loss of hair has a really strong psychological impact on patients. It is something that doctors know will happen, but we are not the ones who have to live with it. In this context, I came across the heartwarming tale of two sisters, one of them was planned for cancer therapy. As soon as the diagnosis was made, the other sister got her own hair cut short. They faced it together. She shared her experience with another one of our patients who was a bit upset at the time, hurting from the loss of her hair. And after they talked, I saw that child smile, really smile, for the first time in so many days. It was beautiful. It is very easy to lose sight of what keeps us going. We carry our burdens, and it is important to shoulder these as well. But if we can carry them without losing sight of the little joys in life, the little things that make us who we are, I think we could walk a great deal farther. A particular event stands out in my mind. I remember that I had night duty that day. I was tired. I was stressed about something – we are always stressed about something, it's just a matter of degree. In fact, I had a truckload of pending submissions. So, I geared up to try and finish some work while I could. I entered the patients' ward to check if everyone was okay. To my surprise, I found the room alive with song and laughter. The four patients in the room were playing, "Antakshari" (a group singsong competition). It sounds fictional even as I write it now. I felt as if I'd walked into a scene from a movie. I was happy to see them having fun, but I was a bit worried that my presence would dampen the mood. I tried to beat a hasty retreat, but it was not to be. Their ringleader, the one who had started this Antakshari business in the first place, called me back and asked me to join in as well! I couldn't exactly say no, so I joined in; shyly at first, then with an enthusiasm to match my friends in the room. See, I said friend. I entered the room as their doctor and left as their friend. We sang together for almost an hour that day. And somewhere, a little piece of my soul was renewed. The pending work also was completed much quicker, and all the weight on my shoulders felt so much lighter. We all face times when the world tilts on its axis and it seems like things will never be the same again. In those times, we need our faith the most. We might be able to see jumbled pieces of a picture, a mess where nothing makes sense. Sometimes, the pattern is not for us to see. God's hand is at work. Transforming those broken pieces into a beautiful mosaic, His masterpiece. His Plan will always prevail. We just need to open our eyes to see [Figure 2].Figure 2: Life is a kaleidoscope of color, we just need to wait for the pieces to fall in placeEven in the darkest of times, the sun always rises again. And while we wait for the sunrise, It helps to light a little candle for ourselves, for those around us, so that the path becomes visible again. If we can give a little joy and add a little color to the lives we touch, this world will be a more beautiful place. Financial support and sponsorship Nil. Conflict of interest There are no conflicts of interest.