Cento for the Night I Tried Stand-Up
2024; Wiley; Volume: 112; Issue: 4 Linguagem: Inglês
10.1353/tyr.2024.a945761
ISSN1467-9736
Autores ResumoCento for the Night I Tried Stand-Up Sasha Debevec-McKenney (bio) after Nicole Sealey Welcome to the placewhere my jokes come from. Pleaseadjust your expectations, dear reader.We've got a lot of shit to talkabout. I'm happy you're here.I need you. _______ I thought I'd start by sharingmy findings with you,because knowledge sharedis knowledge halved. The universe beganwith a big bang. But before that?This is the question I askedmyself every night as a child.Do mountains keep growing?What's black and white and red all over?Can you have a context-free word?There's times in your childhoodyou could really do with a drink. _______ You don't know what to believe—Taco Bell is selling chicken wings,better believe something. Betterto have something to believe in. [End Page 70] I've seen UFOs split the sky like a sheet.I believe that there is a Godand He hears our prayersand is like, "Nah, fuck that." _______ We're all guilty of something.We don't even believein heaven, but we're going.How does this microphonework? None of us know,none of us know. None of us have ever known.Look: some of this show is gonna be grim.And I ask you: why does everythinghave to be so good? I adorea two-star experience. I think we allhave to ask a very important question(and do try and be honest with yourselvesas you answer): if you had an invisible hand,what would you do with it? _______ I've been trying to traceback my addictions.What was my first addiction?Whenever I investigate a smell,the answer is always bad.I can feel it in the room tonight.I can feel it in the air,I can taste it in the sky. _______ Tipsy is the best thing you can bein life; tipsy. There's four things you can bein life: sober, tipsy, drunk, hungover.Tipsy's the only one of fourwhere you don't cry.It's warm and you're watching the sun [End Page 71] come up through the windshield.And you see those stars up there,and they're not even there,it's just…we're finally seeingthe light from those stars. _______ People get the wrong idea about me.They think I'm depressed or something.I'm not depressed.I bought a 14 dollar bar of soap once.Three weeks ago, I put "nachos" inas an Uber destination.I was recently named one of the topfive funniest people in America.I suck at love. I love to party.And I'm looking for a husband. Emotionally,spiritually, genetically, historically,I want to be a trophy wife. I may be dumb,but I know right from wrong.I do my judging silently.Sometimes I go to the batting cagejust to play catch, as cute as I wanna be.I'm jealous of people who get to meet me.I have color headshots, 11 x 17;I stand out in a pile. _______ I can play archetypes or weather systems,but I can't play people. Orbitingthe earth, able to view the entire spanof human culture and existence and yet,just because you have a thoughtor a feeling, doesn't meanit is always necessaryto express it. That's the real miracle. [End Page 72] _______ People tell you life is short. No,it's not. Life is long. Especially ifyou make the wrong decisions.Somewhere over the rainbowI bet life is just as exactly as hardas it is on this side of the rainbow,and on that side, you can't even seea rainbow. There is nothingyou can do to us that we are not already doingto ourselves. Should have warned youearlier. Some jokes are sad. _______ Life is fucked up. Don't get me wrong,there's brilliant bits, like whenyou see someone you haven't seenin a while, or get drunk unexpectedly...
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