Dawn of the Planet of the Crazies
2014; Volume: 33; Issue: 4 Linguagem: Inglês
ISSN
1836-6600
Autores Tópico(s)Crime, Illicit Activities, and Governance
ResumoIt all began in the mid to late 1980s; no-one knows exactly where or when. Some say that the highly contagious virus known as NLT (Neoliberal Toxicatus) originated in the texts of an Austrian economist. Others blamed leaders like Margaret Thrasher and Ronald Raygun. Either way, it seemed safe to assume that the virus emerged somewhere in the northern hemisphere, probably in the early 1980s.The symptoms were devastating: severe cuts to public services, increased inequality, attacks on trade unions and other political opponents, and the erosion of civil liberties. Bad as these symptoms were, an even more virulent strain of the virus was incubated by an extremist group of politicians in the United States of Amnesia. Known as 'the crazies', this clandestine mob of ideological fundamentalists was advised by academic economists and rogue political scientists. Following a number of secretive meetings held in dark corners and alleyways, the crazies drew up a dastardly plan to fuse NLT with the virus WDZ (World Domination and Zomibification).No longer satisfied with propping up dictators, assassinating democratically elected leaders and funding death squads, the crazies employed the virus to create The Project for a New Amnesia Century': a florid manifesto aimed at demonstrating to the world exactly who was boss. Cleverly, the crazies bided their time. Once their anointed leader, George W. Shrub, was sworn in as emperor in January 2001 the dye was cast. All that was needed was a pretext for action. Emperor Shrub had a lot on his mind in the early days of his reign, not least the vulnerability of oil supplies to his beloved empire. He became obsessed with his shadow crazy, a moustached brute-dictator in faraway Iwreck. Despite having been ejected from a neighbouring country by Shrub senior, the moustached one continued to pose a threat to the empire's oil supply. But the question was how to dislodge this crazy who was prone to gassing his own people. An unrelated opportunity arose in late 2001 when three planes filled with passengers and kerosene ploughed into military and financial centres in the heart of Amnesia. Amidst the shock and horror the crazies set about concocting yet another plan to invade Iwreck, a country that posed no direct military threat to the empire. The idea was to create a 'new Iwreck' that would ensure the spread of the hybrid virus across the troubled region. The invasion proceeded in April 2003 even though Iwreck had no links, as claimed, with other volatile crazies around the world.By this stage showing signs of extreme delusion, the Amnesia crazies lauded the military campaign of 'smash and grab' which in no time at all left Iwreck in ruins. On 1 May 2003 Emperor Shrub declared 'we did it' aboard an Amnesian aircraft carrier. As time passed, and much to the consternation of the crazies themselves, there were no Armageddon Bombs (ABs) to be found in Iwreck - one of the many early pretexts for the troubled invasion. In a few short months Iwreck descended into extreme violence and chaos. The crazies, however, continued to insist that ABs were present in Iwreck, possibly hidden in a chicken pen, suitcase, or underneath a rock. Even so, the infamous known-unknown, Donald Dunderhead, was not about to recant on his wreckless adventurism, insisting in the face of mounting evidence that Iwreck was a peaceful country - a shining example of democracy and freedom. Tired of the whole Iwreck thing, Emperor Shrub eventually retired to his fortified ranch to take up another hobby - portraiture.Despite all the obvious setbacks, the crazies seemed to perk up in the wake of the 2010 Iwreck national elections. With the help of almighty God, and fingers crossed, the great sacrifices in Iwreck might have been worth it after all. …
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